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21st June 2019

Top Spies in Fiction: which spy are you?

It takes all sorts to play one of our most popular games, Operation Mindfall. Indeed determination, a penchant for a pint or two and the ability to run around like a maniac for two-hours are all common traits with the budding spies we’ve seen. Here at Handmade Mysteries Central Intel however, we’ve always found people falling into one of six categories as they decipher their way through London and Brighton. Ironically, and conveniently for the sake of this post, the six categories are also some of the most iconic spies in fiction.

So grab your gadget and tinker with your techs to find out which spy character suits you. Are you the suave and sophisticated gentleman/lady of yesteryear? Or maybe the type that has a higher kill count than a fat kid playing Fortnite. Not feeling it? Maybe you’re just the type who runs around completely off your tits. Whatever the case and to make it easier for you, we will be rating each spy on their strengths, weaknesses, notable features and anything else that we feel like rating them on, cause ‘thems the rules’ okay?

1. The Original: James Bond

  • Strengths : Charisma, Martini preparation preference, looking bad-ass in a tux
  • Weakness: Leads a very unhealthy lifestyle (outside of, you know, killing people)

We couldn’t very well have a list of spies without Bond could we? Created by British journalist and novelist Ian Flemming in 1953, Bond is arguably the most well renowned spy to grace novels, films, video games and this Blog post. Whether you view him as a sexist, misogynistic dinosaur or the ultimate playboy who likes fast cars, aged drinks and twenty-something year old models in abundance, Bond was for a generation, a man that many aspired to be. So much so that half the spies on our list are inspired by him in one way or another.

It’s not all good news for the super unhealthy Bond however. Casino Royale showed him to have a weakness for gambling and during the course of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service alone, Bond consumes up to 46 drinks. He rarely, if ever wore a condom despite shagging enough to probably populate a small town and admitted the life expectancy of 00 agents is low. Plus there’s that one scene where he gets a dose of bollock bashing torture. Ouch. Important note: there is no torture or bollock bashing in our games.

You know you’re a Bond if: You solved the game solo, got the girl and looked damn cool doing it.

2. The Groove Master: Austin Powers

  • Strengths: Middle name is Danger, Time-traveller, Groovy
  • Weakness: Mojo misplacement, Awful teeth

Potentially the ultimate Bond parody, Austin Powers is the quintessential spoof of the spy genre. Mike Myers, who wrote the trilogy of films, plays the titular character who is unfrozen after thirty years to thwart his arch enemy, Dr Evil, who is also played by Mike Myers.

With an array of slapstick humour and more sexual innuendos then can be achieved with emojis, he may not have the looks and certainly has an outdated style but he is an unquestionable ladies man with all the swagger of 1960s Swinging London.

You know you’re an Austin Powers if: You originally lost the game but used a time machine in the last 10 minutes to change the result and can’t stop spontaneously saying, “Oh Behave!”

3. The Loose Cannon: Carrie Mathison

  • Strengths: Tireless, determined, intense
  • Weakness: Fixates on decoys, works better as a lone wolf, intense

It’s serious business with Homeland’s Carrie Mathison. She’s seen it all – and yet somehow still comes out the other side to tell the tale. This CIA office has neutralised American POWs gone bad, survived biochemical attacks, been shot at far too many times than should be escapable, and mothered a child with the man she watched get killed by the Iranian government (that is, after she accused him of being a terrorist himself).

Her intensity is her greatest weapon yet also her biggest setback; either fuelling a breakthrough or a breakdown. Watch out for this one, you’ll trust her instincts but they’ll betray you in a heartbeat.

You know you’re a Carrie Mathison if: You spend a good chunk of the game leading the team in the wrong direction, before redeeming yourself again towards the end.

4. The Dysfunctional Agent: Sterling Archer

  • Strengths: Awesome Voice, Lacrosse, funny AF
  • Weakness: Narcissism, Overbearing mother, Alcoholism

Created in 2009, TV series Archer has been running for 10 series now. Originally set in a Cold War esque universe, Archer revolves around a secret agent and his colleagues. Despite consisting of many different spies, main protagonist and namesake Sterling Archer is the one we see most in Operation Mindfall. That is politically incorrect and occasionally a bit of a douchebag. However, a sharp sense of humour and a surprising deep background make Archer types one of the most entertaining for us to watch.

You know you’re an Archer if: You got the job done, albeit shit-faced and making snarky comments.

5. The Conflicted One: Eve Polastri

  • Strengths: Language skills, psychopathic manipulation, her hair
  • Weakness: Steeliness, scares easy, zero poker face

If anyone can make something good out of getting the sack, it’s Eve Polastri. After getting kicked out of MI5 for her instincts, Eve’s taken on board by MI6 in a secret mission to track down elusive assassin Villanelle. An obsessive cat-and-mouse ensues in this BBC drama by Phoebe Waller-Bridge (adapted from Luke Jenning’s 2018 novel Codename Villanelle), with Eve constantly forced to face which version of her life she desires the most. In the end, there’s far more between the pair than initially meets the eye, and Eve’s life becomes more and more complicated.

While this one loves the attention from solving clues, her reaction when push comes to shove might surprise you – and not always in a good way.

You know you’re an Eve if: You’re a highly capable and determined hot mess, yet the kind of unlikely hero who’s always just on the edge of moral ruination

6. The Swiss Army Knife: MacGyver

  • Strengths: Genius, Improvisational, Mullet
  • Weakness: Sensitive, He’s a full blown advert for carrying a knife everywhere

From the Eighties TV series (and 2016 reboot) MacGyver is essentially the Superman of spies. Possessing genius intellect, being proficient in multiple languages while also being an engineering superstar, MacGyver was given a borderline unfair amount of skills. The man’s so improvisational even he doesn’t know what he will do next.

However he’s reluctant to kill, passionate for social causes and has a personality which can come across wetter than mermaid piss. MacGyver may be impressive but when he’s being the equivalent of a brooding teenager who is desperate to both save the world and snitch on you, you can’t help but groan.

You know you’re a MacGyver if: You solved the game using a paperclip, an old refrigerator, a box of matches and 14 green skittles.

Ready to channel your chosen character and save the world?

So there you are, six personalities – maybe ever so slightly exaggerated – that we’ve observed playing Operation Mindfall. While we don’t condone sex pests, assassinations or vegetarians, we can’t deny they make the game more interesting to watch

Think you would be one of the above or similar to a different spy? Why not find out by checking Operation Mindfall for yourself. Book your game at St James of Bermondsey in London or The Walrus in Brighton now.