22nd December 2016
If classic Christmas films like A Christmas Carol don’t make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, then maybe (like us) you prefer to revel in the darker corners of the Christmas movie landscape. Before you settle into your TV binge, we have come up with an alternative Christmas movie list that won’t make you want to vom glitter.
Wonderfully dark and beautifully made, Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas is a dark fantasy that will quench your thirst for something alternative this Christmas. This film offers the perfect balance of dark humour and child like curiosity with some seriously magical moments; like Jack lamenting in the graveyard as a curly hill unfurls. Even the disturbing scenes are strangely adorable, including the accidental kidnapping of the Easter Bunny, and the chilling screams of Mr Skellington as he emerges from the green fountain:
“I, Jack, the Pumpkin King”.
Steven Spielberg’s Gremlins is gloriously silly and it’s genuity lies in the fact that it doesn’t take itself too seriously. There is something harrowingly cute about these blighters; Gizmo in particular even inspires an affectionate lick from Barney the dog when he arrives. A top moment of sheer manic genius is the scene when the gremlins’ enjoy a hedonistic session at Dorry’s Tavern, when the little critters imitate and accentuate drunken human behaviour around the bar. What we wouldn’t give for our own little Gizmo.
Our Lady Chastity loves a good rebel, so this dark comedy had to make the list. What could be more anti-Christmas than an alcoholic con man Santa who hates kids, with a mischievous elf side-kick. Billy Bob Thornton’s delivers an excellent deadpan comedic performance and there are plenty of characters to keep you entertained along the way. If you want a welcome break from all the festive cheer but still want to have a laugh, Bad Santa is the pick for you.
While some of us view this one as a classic, sadly it has fallen by the wayside as films like Elf (epic as it may be) take the limelight. A Christmas Story is a charming but cynical tale of a kid-world we can all relate too, but also filled with random happenings. Like the moment the dog runs away with the turkey, and they instead enjoy a Chinese duck Christmas dinner with an unusual rendition of Jingle Bells.
If you would rather watch Willis deck the halls with boughs of kick ass shoot-outs, then Die Hard is the Christmas movie for you. Bruce is at his best in a vest, wading about knee-deep in dead terrorists. C4 explosives, Steyr machine guns and a rocket launcher all make an appearance bringing a streetwise Ho, Ho, Ho to the proceedings. Epic moments include Willis taking out a helicopter with a car and the classic one-liner:
“Yippee Ki Ay Motherfucker”.
We of course do not endorse the use of guns in anyway, especially at Christmas.
There you have it. That should be enough to keep you busy for at least Boxing Day. Now take the weight out of that ‘belly full of jelly’, settle into your new socks, slippers or that totally ridiculous onesie, and enjoy.