Black Mirror USS Callister: Quips & Highlights

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Last year we covered Black Mirrors Playtest and this year the new series kicked off with another mind blowing take on immersive gaming. What starts as a relatively bland workplace plot transforms into a weirdly sadistic Star Trek cosplay kinky fantasy.

We share some top highlights and funny quips from the episode, so we can all reflect on its genius sadistic reminders that game immersion should only go so far.

Spoiler alert: We have tried to be obscure and revealed no major plot spoilers, but if you didn’t catch this episode yet, you might want to come back to this one.

1. Parental guidance: no genitals in gaming

Because doing the cyber nasty is wrong on so many levels. Especially when the reality is that hot twenty something with the nice ass is a middle-aged balding man who lives with his parents. While hearing Cole quip that “stealing my pussy is a red f*cking line,” is hilarious, it was fortunate that the USS Callister’s genital free zone means that in virtual reality (and real life for some) you cannot get laid. Unless you’re doing the Ken and Barbie bump and grind.

This epic moment also gives way to lines you would never expect to hear in a Netflix television series:

"There's no genitals in space, this is a wholesome universe."
"We can't even enjoy the basic pleasure of taking a f*cking shit."

Why not watch it again for yourself?...

 
 

 

2. Was it fair to turn Gillian in Marketing into a man eating monster?

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Probably.

However it was difficult not to feel bad for Valdack. While he was essentially that one office jock who seemed to be all about the “gains”, seeing the character become a frankly, broken alien play thing of Daly’s was a harrowing moment; a man/alien thing which begged to be put out of his eternal suffering from Daly’s warped sense of righteousness. Not to mention what it must do to a man who in real...fictional real...life seemed to have it all going for him.

Actually. Screw him too.

3. Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul: blow or trade?

It was a Merry Christmas to the self-proclaimed King of Space in one of the best short cameos in a television show for a while - and he didn’t even have to say “Bitch”. While the connection is noticeable to anyone who has seen the final season of Breaking Bad, Gamer691 portrays a perfect representation of what it’s like to play most online games. Well, maybe replace Breaking Bad’s Jesse with a squeaking 12 year-old who has allegedly pulled your mother and you get the drift. And here it is...

 
 

 

Also shout out for Kirsten Dunst who had an appearance so brief, we still can’t be sure we saw her...

 
 

4. Gamemasters puppet doomed forever: ah well, at least there’s a bar…

When a maniacal genius has rendered you their plaything for all eternity, at least you can have a drink to soften the blow. While we are still wondering what they were drinking and if they had the ability to get shit-faced without an anus, it’s good to know that regardless the eternal torment and affliction faced, there is still booze. That’s surely a “southern comfort”, most can get behind.

5. Pizza delivery guys unwittingly saving the day…

Ah, the noble pizza delivery guy. Saving us from hangovers, going to the shops and apathy to cooking for generations. It’s good to see that in the potential not too distant future, pizza delivery peeps are still going that extra step. To the unnamed champion who saved the USS Callister from their grizzly fate in the line of duty, you will be on par with that one delivery guy who went the extra mile and bought a Banana milkshake from Maccy D’s as per a hungover soul’s request.

Black Mirror USS Callister alternate ending

If you just didn't get enough of this episode then you're in luck. It turns out there's an alternate ending. Enjoy...

 
 

Better be on the safe side and stick to escape rooms

While wildly entertaining, overall Black Mirror's USS Callister certainly makes you want to take a break from virtual reality and live more. Better play it safe and stick with escape rooms, where you can actually escape - and keep your genitals. Bonus.