Festive cocktails: Gabriel’s elixirs & vials of grog

For those not in the know, Gabriel is our illustrious escape room host. After seeing many buckle to the wrath of Lady Chastity; all the screams have definitely contributed to a rather strange and unpredictable nature. Anxious to please and often found clutching a pocket watch encouraging players to 'hurry'.

Now, our host may be obsessed with the aphrodisiac properties of Lady Chastity’s Reserve, but Gabriel also has a penchant for mixing heady concoctions - especially during the festive season. Here’s the Handmade Mysteries host with some potent recipes…

The ol’ Cockney cocktail

I have always been suspicious of the term, cocktail. It is said it comes from a term referring to a non purebred horse, and by extension, these drinks are not pure but diluted through mixing with flavours and spirits. I personally think it’s because drinking too many causes one to tell tales and act like a co... but I digress. whatever its connotation, you can always warm your cockles with this good Ol’ Cockney cocktail recipe:

  • Add 3/4 oz of the Dry Gin
  • 3/4 oz of Champagne (or whatever fizzy piss you can get hold of)
  • Squeeze the shit out of a Lemon, call it a slag
  • Then take 1oz of its proper naughty juice; and finally…
  • Add some sugar (meant to be 1oz, but what’s life if you can’t give yourself a sticky treat?)

Timber Doodle Elixir

Many have pondered over the recipe of a Timber Doodle, a drink that Charles Dickens reportedly enjoyed at a Boston bar in 1842. Despite all his literary fables, even ol' Charlie boy hasn’t referenced what actually goes into this strange brew. However, I happen to know a certain someone who just so happened to know that a Timber Doodle was, in fact, a ginger beer with whatever the doodle you fancied. Here is my version of a Timber Doodle:

  • 1 oz of ginger beer
  • A shot of spiced rum (have a quick swig to check its authenticity)
  • A dribble of gin - because there is always room for more gin

Think of it like an old-fashioned Jägerbomb; it will surge through you like a volcano and keep you buzzing. Not to mention all the health benefits from the ginger and a natural colonic.

Gabriel’s Vial of Grog

Like a moment of passion stolen in the thrill of a darkened parlour with Lady Chastity, a hot vial of grog can be heavenly. Did you know that Edward "Old Grog" Vernon used to serve his men a pint of rum a day to prevent scurvy? Back then it was just rum and water with a dash of brown sugar and lime. Screw that, I have perfected my own concoction:

  • Add 2 cups of spiced rum in pan
  • A cup of Chastity’s aphrodisiac wine (rum and wine makes you feel fine)
  • Squeeze the shit out of a lime, call it a slag
  • Gently ease a couple of cinnamon sticks in there for good measure
  • Treat it like a lady, heating it gently with the odd stir to keep the juices flowing
  • Pour into your chosen chalice - bottoms up

Got it? Good. The best thing about grog is that it is the only alcohol that allows you to monitor your level of drunkenness and master three skills; Drunken Master, Dwarven Stability, and Feel No Pain. If you want to give this recipe a go I am afraid the only way to get a bottle of Lady Chastity’s Reserve is to solve the clues in her boudoir.

Are you brave enough?

If you really don’t fancy any of Gabriel’s favoured juices then you could just say "fuck it" and 'ave a Fosters.

Your call dears. Merry Chrissymess.

Please drink responsibly.